Tuesday, October 28, 2008

God Hates Philadelphia

By JC De La Torre

Last night, I mentioned that the Rays are probably cursing the baseball gods because they had taken momentum in Game 5 by tying the game just moments before a torrential downpour suspended it, allowing the Phillies to escape.

Having had a night to consider all that has transpired, I have come to a completely different conclusion now - God hates Philadelphia. At least Philadelphia sports teams. Consider the evidence if you will, the city of Philadelphia has been without a major sports championship since 1983. The Eagles became the Buffalo Bills of the NFC, losing in three consecutive NFC Championship games to the Rams, Tampa Bay Bucs, and Panthers before finally breaking threw in 2003 to reach the Super Bowl, where they promptly lost to the Patriots. The Flyers last two trips to the Eastern Conference Finals ended in series defeats (to Tampa Bay and Pittsburgh) and they haven't won the Stanley Cup since 1974-75. The 76ers reached the Finals in 2001, only to be beaten by the Lakers in 5 games. They were the last team to win a major sports championship. The Phillies last trip to the World Series was in 1993, when the lost to the Toronto Blue Jays in 6. Before that, their last trip was in 1983, when they lost to the Baltimore Orioles - in fact, the last time they won the World Series was 1980.

So here we are, Game 5 of the 2008 World Series. The Philadelphia Phillies are up 3-1 in the World Series with their best pitcher, Cole Hamels, on the mound. The Philly papers are already discussing parade routes and celebration locations. Not only that, the Phillies had a friend behind the plate with umpire Jeff Kellogg, who drew memories of the Blacksox scandal and NBA referee Tim Donaghy with his very generous strike zone to Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels and his miniscule strike zone for Rays Pitcher Scott Kazmir. The top hitters for the Rays, Evan Longoria and Carlos Pena, had done nothing the entire series. Using those advantages, the Phillies jump to a commanding 2-0 lead in the first inning to take the game by the throat with their best guy on the mound. There's no way the Phils can lose, right? Philadelphia is finally going to get their championship for sure this time, correct?

This is Philadelphia....and God hates them. Carlos Pena finally began to heat up, just barely missing a home run and doubling off the left field wall in the 4th. Up came the ice cold Longoria, who blasted a screaming liner past shortstop James Rollins for his first hit of the series, scoring Pena. Ru-oh, Raggie. Rays new Superstar BJ Upton singled to lead off the 6th, and then in a driving rain storm, stole second to everyone's disbelief. Up came Pena, who smacked a single to left field, Upton wheeled around third and sloshed his way to the plate, tying the score at 2. Then God made his own pitch - drenching the World Series and getting it suspended until...well, who knows? Tonight? Tomorrow night? Thanksgiving?

Had this game occured in 2007, there was an awful rule in Major League Baseball that stated that if a run is score in the top half of an inning to tie the game and the game is called due to weather, the run would be discounted and the victory would go to the team leading before the half inning was played. A simply AWFUL rule that baseball came to their senses and changed. Bad news for the Phillies. Bud "the Liar" Selig says he would have never had a weather-shortened game decide the World Series no matter the score and the entirety of the game would have been played. Suuurrre it would, Bud. Unfortunately for Philadelphia, the Rays tied it before the rain hit.

So, you can see how this is playing out, don't you? Cole Hamels is done for this series - he will not be a factor in the continuation of the game tonight (tomorrow night, thanksgiving?). Longo and Pena are heating up just when the Rays need them...some how, some way, the Rays will find a way to win Game 5 and have everyone scrambling back to St. Petersbugh with no travel day, with Shields and Garza eagerly awaiting for Games 6 and 7. The parades will be cancelled...
Shields will pitch another masterful game at home, allowing the rejuvenated Rays to pull out the victory...and Matt Garza will out pitch the calcified Jamie Moyer for Game 7. Destiny denied once again for Philly.

All because God hates the city of Philadelphia.

Or the Phillies will win tonight (tomorrow, thanksgiving?) and all this is moot...but man, wouldn't it be typical Philly if it did go down like that?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

JC are you representing the opinion of all 5 Ray fans?

JC De La Torre said...

Nice...a "there are no Rays fans" comeback - find some original material...and a championship.

Chalk said...

I hate Philadelphia as much as God does, but I think the Bills comparison is a little harsh. It also ignores the fact that the Dallas Cowboys also lost 3 straight NFC Championship Games from 1980-1982 and didn't make it back to one again for a decade.

And anonymous accidentally left out the word MILLION in front of 5.

Anonymous said...

with all the delays, you might get to see cole again...

realsister said...

Interesting. If God hates Philadelphia, why was the Declaration of Independence signed there, why is the liberty bell there, and why are the Phillies going to beat TB tonight?

Anonymous said...

I am the original anonymous. Let me tell you both something. If it weren't for Philadelphia you both would be either fighting with indians or pledging allegience to the Queen. Find a championship? We have one. How about find a baseball stadium and not a circus tent? We have over 100 year history of baseball in this town. Use guys (lol) are joke. Philadlephia is the birthplace of America, so if God hates us, then your on the same side as Al-Qaeda.
Brandon P.

Anonymous said...

Plus. A Tampa Bay sports blog must be about as boring as watching the CFL. The only thing you have a chance of winning this year is Warren Sapp in Dancing With The Stars. Brandon

JC De La Torre said...

2008 American League Champions (Rays)
2004 Stanley Cup Champions (Lightning)
2007,2005,2002 NFC South Champions
2002 Super Bowl Champions (Bucs)...

Not all that boring...congrats on your win, though. Your team definitely deserved it.